Existential? Schmexistential?

It’s hard to pinpoint when it happened exactly. While flipping through my day calendar, it was clear that I was in fact happy at the beginning of the year - even on through February and bits of March. Everything written neatly in purple ink, actual events marked in; restaurant, book and blog recommendations from Lyft passengers were jotted down. Then slowly but surely the purple fades into black half-heated scribbles and those recommendations I never looked into. And while talking with my dad in the car on Cinco de Mayo before visiting the Stanley Kubrik he uttered matter-of-factly, “maybe you’re depressed.” Several hours later I partied too hard and made a big mess of things (literally AND figuratively) yet again.

I started watching Sex and the City a little while ago. I can’t tell if it was the best idea or very worst. I’ve been witholding watching the show because it just never really appealed to me. I’m not a shoe girl, I’m not a size 2, I prefer a pint glass to cosmos; let’s just say I’m more of a Girls kind of girl. Or so I thought. Now that I have just started the sixth season (part A?) and can’t seem to stop until its over, I see that the themes and ideas expressed really hit home. Yes, it hurts to watch the lifestyle they lead, but at the root of it, we all feel the same feels once in a while. Exhibit A:

What is happening right now is a realization that I am past existential crisis heading towards a clinical depressive train wreck. One of my very close friends isn’t talking to me over a horrible mistake. I am removed from emotion when it comes to a certain guy I may or may not be seeing? My humor seems to have gone missing. I’m lonely. I’m easily irritated. I have an awful feeling at the back of my throat almost all the time. This is another really hard time. And although a year or so ago I may have thought I would never be here again, it looks as though I am. And it doesn’t show a sign of stopping soon. 

Therapy is the answer I’m turning towards, and I am hopeful it will help as people I’ve talked to says it does wonders. I hate being in this way. I hate feeling like no one cares, when I know it isn’t true. I can’t wait until everything feels right again.

PS: I apologize for how terribly written this was, it’s been some time and I’m a little rusty.

shitthesignssay:

“when someone messes up a Leo’s hair”

STORY TIME:

In fifth grade, the year was 1998-9 and the hot thing were those little butterfly clip things for your hair. Well, my teacher, Mrs. Ton, thought it was fun to go around class and harass her students’ heads as they were doing work. Needless to say, she was OBSESSED with playing with those damn clips and fucking up our hair that we so perfectly pseudo-cornrowed that morning.

One day, I fell victim to her prowess when she chose me as her prey and BROKE A CLIP OFF OF MY HAIR. So the rest of the day I had to face the ridicule of walking around school with uneven hair, silently furious. On the exterior, I was a good Catholic girl and said it was no big deal when she apologized for her fuck up.

She ended up buying me a whole new set of clips, which was very sweet of her to do. Incidentally, I really did enjoy her as a teacher and I was one of the few who actually did well in her class, but GURL. Do NOT mess with a tiny leo and her hair.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE: MOUNTAIN LION TURNED ON ME AND TOOK ALL MY FILM PROJECTS AND PERSONAL DOCUMENTS WITH IT →

leavebritneyalone:

Yesterday I had the bright idea of upgrading my Mac OS to Mountain Lion so I can be cool and hip and text message my homies on my laptop and what not. It seemed so easy, all I had to do was download an App from the “AppStore” and hit install? Fuck no. Nothing in my life is that easy.

The piece…

leavebritneyalone:

This is a short, silent film that I made in Fall 2010. It’s a little rough, but it was my first experience working with a real professional grade camera. I’m digging through the vault to remember where I was when I stopped filmmaking and entered the retail work force to earn my keep. 

Now that that stage is over (hopefully) it is time to get back into practice. 

An Update

And just like that, we’re already two weeks into a new year. It’s amazing how fast time will fly without focus, succumbing to all distractions and not to mention the insanity that the holidays create. Hopefully, with some changes and new outlooks the road ahead will look clearer and better paths will present themselves if we persist.

In my life, I have already created a few changes for myself. I decided to quit my cashier job in order to make myself more available for any opportunity that may present itself. At the moment, I’m using this time to work on reestablishing my skill set that I learned in school. 

I don’t have ‘resolutions’ for this year, because I know that whatever concrete idea I declare will go ignored. That’s just how I work unfortunately. It’s the little goals, the small changes you make over time that you keep at the forefront of your mind that will yield you results in the longrun. (For me at least).

As a result of the available time I have, I’ve been hitting the gym on a more regular basis and even started going to Bikram yoga. That stuff is intense, but I feel like I can already feel the change in myself. Yesterday I walked over five miles without stopping or getting too winded. 

This year’s theme is going to be focus. I need to focus on what I want, focus on the people I love, focus on the world around me. Thirteen is my lucky number, I hope this will be my lucky year!

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE: I turned in my two weeks’ notice today. It was hard and weird because... →

leavebritneyalone:

I turned in my two weeks’ notice today. It was hard and weird because I liked being there for the most part. In the end, that job will get me no where, my talents are not being exercised, I disagree with new protocol and so the cons outweigh the pros on this one.

This has been a long time coming…

Tumblr Rec of the Moment: Robert Pattinson Hates His Life →

leavebritneyalone:

You guys this is the truest thing I’ve ever encountered. It’s hilar, it’s en pointe. It is everything.

This is a list of some new and newish movies I’ve been meaning to see. I’m putting this here for reference sake:

• Robot and Frank
• Playing for Keeps
• Silver Lining’s Playbook
• Like Crazy
• Price Check
• Ruby Sparks
• Looper

Up right now: Safety Not Guaranteed

My Pet Spider

A couple days ago, (maybe even a week ago?) I came home and to my dismay, I found a spider on my ceiling near my closet door. If you know me, you know that I am TERRIFIED  by spiders and all MUST DIE! For some reason, though, I wasn’t afraid of Mr. Spider who made his home on my ceiling. I let him stay.

Sometimes I would see him spin down a little, as though to check himself out in the mirror of my closet door. At first it startled me, because he did this once whilst I was putting on makeup near said door. But I thought it was cute, like he was coming down to say hello and wish me a good day.

Tonight, that spider decided to spin down a little too low for my comfort level. I watched it travel down… down… down nearing floor territory. I begged it to go back up to his home on the ceiling but he didn’t stop. Tonight, I killed my pet spider out of an irrational fear. I do not regret it, and I’m not sad, but it doesn’t change the feeling that my little room feels a little emptier.

leavebritneyalone:

Soooo I decided to actually participate in Halloween this year so as to not be such a spoil sport. I decided on a last minute costume to wear to work, Rosie the Riveter! I think it came together quite well given that I decided just this morning.

Happy Halloween!

(via leavebritneyalone)

picadorbookroom:

THE MARRIAGE PLOT begins with an epigraph from the Talking Heads’ “Once in a Lifetime.”

With that in mind, we asked Jeffrey Eugenides if he would curate a playlist to be used as a soundtrack to the book. He picked songs that he thought Madeline, Leonard, and Mitchell might have been listening to in the early 1980s (pre-1983).

Click play on the cover above for the playlist to launch in your Spotify player.

Let us know what songs you would have added to the list. We’ve added a Spotify Collaborative playlist to our PicadorUSA Spotify account so that you can add your own Marriage Plot picks. Enjoy!

If you don’t have Spotify, the playlist is after the jump.

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I’ve been reading this book for most of the evening, on loan from Jenny. I’m really digging it for the most part. It actually began it hit a chord a little deep so I’m giving it a rest for the time being and listening to this playlist instead.

(Source: Spotify)

Music Videos I Wish I Made

It has been said that video killed the radio star. I say, video MADE the radio star. I am just as much a fan of music as I am of the screen. And sometimes, watching the video makes me dig the song even more. Ergo, music videos are my jam and a half. I have to admit that I often get jealous, but also inspired when I see a really well done video in terms of concept and execution. The following are my top 5 (+ 1 honorable mention) favorite videos not directed by me, but BRILLIANT nonetheless. 

5. Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

Alright, if you know me, you know that I am a Katy Perry fan because her music is just plain fun. I dance to it alone in my room, I put it on in bars with no shame and of course, I watch the music videos. Most of her videos are legendary for telling a great story. It was so hard of a choice to pick between this, “Thinking of You” or “Last Friday Night,” but in the end, its “The One That Got Away” that won me over. I mean, come on, Diego Luna is in it - AND he’s a badass artist/musician. If nothing else, Katy Perry has some choice taste in men. And look at how adorbs they look together! Causing shenanigans, giving each other prison tats, driving off cliffs and whatnot. AND you gotta love all the boho/50s/grunge/rocker fashion there is going on. My only real gripe with this one is that Old Katy Perry is frightening. (PS - GREAT use of Johnny Cash’s, “You Are My Sunshine,” at the end, one of my favorite songs!)

4. Eve feat. Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Ya Mind

Gotta throwback for y’all for #4 - one of my favorite collabs - Eve & Gwen Stefani. The story is simple. Eve and Gwen roll up on ATVs to crash this fancy pants party and turn it into a real shindig like the baller females they are, no shits given. This vid also features B-horror film legend, Udo Kier (a true P-I-M-P in and of himself), as one of the party guests seduced by Eve and Gwen’s party crashing. This is a great one to watch before a night on the town to get you to really cause some trouble. CAUTION: there is a 99.9% chance Dr. Dre won’t show up with a duffel bag full of cash to bail you out, so don’t get too crazy.

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